Sunday, February 15, 2009

Long Week

It's been a long week.
Harper came down with a virus around Thursday and that meant very little sleep for Mom and Dad. She is also always and forever teething so she is not a happy camper. I think that with parenthood, just when you think everything is falling into place, your little bundle of joy throws you for a loop. In fact, when Harper was first born, members of our church put together an advice book. My favorite quote was "Just when you think you've got the hang of it, everything changes--so don't get smug," or something like that. Pretty apropos. Did I just use the word "apropos" correctly? Anyone? My brain left the building a long time ago and I think I've finally made peace with losing my mind.

Speaking of losing my mind...
The beginning of the week was rough. One of my kids from work lost his brother. He and his girlfriend were murdered and the reason is still unclear. I think the reasons are always kind of unclear in that neighborhood, at least to outsiders like me. I don't think these things are ever very surprising to the kids I work with and that's what's so chilling. It was an uphill battle for me to try and understand the details of it, and the kids' reactions, and the brutality of the circumstances. In a very understanding and kind way, my boss told me that this was my first "tragedy." (She actually said "murder" but when I type it out it sounds very unfeeling which is not how the conversation was going at all). When my boss tells people that we are trying to save lives, I guess he isn't kidding. And I don't get it. Which is why I didn't sleep much the first part of the week--that, in addition to Harper's end-of-the-week late nights have made me very tired.

Because I know my family reads this I just want to say that I am not unsafe at my job. These are isolated incidents and usually accompany very specific behaviors and activities.

Please say a little prayer or put out some good thoughts, (whatever it is you do), because these kids need all the goodness and grace they can get their hands on. I love, love my job but I seriously question what impact I bring to their lives. I don't even begin to understand how they survive the battles they have to fight.